


Better To Love For A Minute

by ambiguous_sanskars



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Andy consoling Joe, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, because she knows what it's like to lose the love of your life and keep living anyway, hopeful ending if you squint, pull up some fluff to read after or something, seriously this made me sad, technically nicky is missing but he's still important to the scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29918805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguous_sanskars/pseuds/ambiguous_sanskars
Summary: At that, Joe felt something crack inside him. Some veneer of composure, finally giving way beneath the weight of his grief. He felt his eyes well up with tears.“I miss him so much, Andy. It feels like I’m suffocating on air, starving with every bite of food I take.”
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Better To Love For A Minute

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends, welcome back! All I have for you today is about 700 words of angst~
> 
> I have lots of sad feelings and also writers' block so I'm tryna hit two birds with one stone here (although I would never actually hit birds, that's mean)
> 
> Just so you know, I'm posting this at nearly 3AM, unedited, while sitting on the floor eating chocolate cake, so it really has been _that_ kinda night. Grammar corrections and such are welcome <3

Joe’s hand shook slightly as he touched pencil to paper. He held it there for a long moment, the contact so slight it was barely there, before lifting his hand. With a sigh, he picked up his well-worn eraser and rubbed away at the nonexistent dot.

“Awful lot of eraser crumbs for a blank sheet of paper,” Andy commented, walking up behind the couch Joe was sitting on. “Room for one more?”

Joe scooched over, pulling his knees up to his chest to make room. Andy shoved the unfolded pile of laundry to the other end and sat down next to Joe.

“Try again,” she prompted gently.

“I can’t draw anymore. Nothing looks right. Every line is wrong, every mark…” Joe huffed in frustration, tossing his sketchbook onto the coffee table. “It’s not working.”

“What were you trying to draw?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hard without a muse, isn’t it?”

At that, Joe felt something crack inside him. Some veneer of composure, finally giving way beneath the weight of his grief. He felt his eyes well up with tears. “I miss him so much, Andy. It feels like I’m suffocating on air, starving with every bite of food I take.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Andy soothed, curling an arm around her little brother and pulling him closer. Joe sniffled, pressing his face into her shoulder.

“Surviving isn’t our superpower. It’s our curse. Isn’t it?” He tilted his face up, looking at Andy with large, teary eyes. “Isn’t it?”

Andy looked at him sadly, saying nothing.

“Why am I here if Nicky isn’t?” Joe asked. “Why can’t I be with him? He promised he would never leave me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye-” 

His words were cut off by a sob, and Andy cupped his face, wiping his tears away gently.

“It’s alright. Let it out. Let it out.”

“You were right, Andy. There is no God. There cannot be a God, at least not the one my Nicolò prayed to.”

“There is still hope, Yusuf. He may come back. Anything is possible.”

“You don’t really believe that.”

Andy sighed. “I don’t know what I believe. All I know is that missing him hurts, but watching you miss him hurts more.”

“When we lost Quynh in the ocean, did you hope that she was alive or dead?”

Andy froze at the question. “Joe-”

“Because I don’t know what to hope for.” Joe felt his whole body start to tremble, as though caught in the throes of some terrible fever. “I want him to be alive. But I don’t want him to suffer. You can only suffer when you’re alive, so…”

“I’m going to make you a coffee, Joe, and you’re going to drink as much of it as you can. Then we’ll go from there, okay?”

Andy stood up to go to the kitchen. A gentle hand caught her wrist, stopping her. “Andy?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you be angry with me? If I ever- you know. Tried to...be with him? Join him?”

Andy inhaled sharply, turning to face Joe fully. Joe flinched.

“This is the last we speak of that, am I clear?”

Joe nodded, unable to keep fresh tears from pooling in his eyes. Andy closed her eyes and sighed, softening slightly.

“I’m sorry,” Joe mumbled.

“No, I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have- I know how you feel, Joe. I’ve gone through what you’re going through. I’m still going through it.”

“How do you get up every morning?” he whispered hoarsely.

“You learn to make do with memories. And to be grateful for who you have,” Andy replied, cupping a hand behind Joe’s neck and kissing his forehead tenderly. “And deep within, somewhere, somehow, hope persists. It is a most wretched thing.”

Joe managed a half-laugh that was really more of a sob. Andy took his hands and pulled him to his feet. 

“Come to the kitchen. You can see the front door from there, too.”

“How did you know I was watching the door?”

Andy shook her head with a smile. “You were never any good at subtlety. Not when it came to him. We’ll make coffee together while we wait, hmm?”

**Author's Note:**

> Where is Nicky? Is he perma-dead? Is he just missing? Who knows, least of all me ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated as always! (but no pressure obviously <3)


End file.
